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Ceres, CA
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“Lurked out bro”, commonly used there, sums it up. If you’re into drugs and shady business of that nature, this is the Mecca you’ve been searching for. Most of the people I came across in my 11 years there, absolutely hate anyone moving there from out of state, especially California, despite the fact 99% of them have never actually left the valley, let alone Oregon. The weather isn’t terrible, especially if you prefer to spend your summers breathing in smoke that limits visibility to about 20 ft. every year, and winters hoping to avoid people who somehow perpetually drive like it’s their first time encountering snow, ice, possibly even other drivers on the road. The cost of living is great if you can convince Walmart or whatever retail/fast food job you’re at to give you 100+ hours a week, as the lack of rentals has prompted realtors to require you to make 3x the rent. Don’t worry about lack of sleep working those kind of hours, as previously stated there are drugs in abundance to make sure you never need to sleep again. If you have a hard time finding work at all, they also have drugs to help you sleep all the depression away, as everyone there seems to be constantly depressed. When I first moved there, I had come from Davis, CA, witch understandably had a very good educational system, so good in fact, I learned what they were trying to teach me in High School in about 4th-5th grade? I didn’t go to school for two weeks, came back on a test day, and did better than the kids who studied for it for a week. So in my sophomore year I told them I just wanted to get my GED, witch took some convincing as they didn’t think I would pass it. One week worth or pre-tests and one week of actual tests later, low and behold, I had finished and passed all of the OR state GED tests, for a grand total of two weeks worth of my time. Not saying everyone there is unintelligent, but you get a lot of primitive, caveman type talk like “That needs done.” around there. The point is made, and you understand it, but you question how much activity, if any, is going on in the their brains. There is also a statewide requirement that all trucks must have the highest lift kit available with the brightest possible LED headlights, and all Honda’s Subaru’s and Acura’s must not have a muffler. That is a fact. I am 28 and never met too many people my age who didn’t want to get away from that area, old people seemed to like it from what I can tell, it was a retirement community after all. So overall if you’re into a pleasant mix of old folks who don’t really care for you existing in that area what so ever and refuse to accept that times have changed? Medford for the win. Younger drug addled homeless or about to be homeless criminals who would sell their grandma and her wheelchair in a package deal for money to buy heroin, or wish to become one yourself? Again, Medford is your destination. Great weather for developing your Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, and freezing your tits off all winter? You’ve found your place in Medford, OR. Is education, in particular grammar, or the English language in general not your cup of tea? All your people have already congregated and await you in Medford, so what are you waiting for!

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