3 Miles Deeper than the Lowest Depths of Hell
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2/9/2021
I no longer fear hell as I have now lived in Laramie for 2 years.
Where to begin? The first thing I will mention is the ridiculous housing prices for what you are actually getting. The houses in this town are practically built on top of each other. Nobody with a middle-class job in this town has a front or back yard. They have a patch of grass that is dry and dead 10 out of the 12 months in a year. The housing prices are insane. $250K + for a 3 bedroom house with no yard.
And the roads... oh the roads. Always in terrible condition. The pothole you saw in 2014 is still there in 2021. The Wyoming Department of Transportation must really be underfunded because most of their time is spent trying to assemble speed traps on I-80 with the state cops to make a quick buck off of an out-of-state driver. People are allowed to park on the sides of roads where barely two-lane traffic can move. People have to literally pull their mirrors in or else they get ripped off by traffic. It's comical to see door mirrors lying on the road on 3rd street. Lots of intersections should have traffic lights. Lots of stop signs are covered by bushes, trees, or parked cars that are allowed to park right up on corners causing TONS of blind spots in this place.
And every business or restaurant that you pull into has a 6-inch curb elevated above the street that damages your car every time you pull in. And the worst part is that every parking lot in this town can hold approximately 5 cars at a time with a town of 30K plus people… and with miles and miles of wide open land. Who the hell designed this town?
The drivers don’t make anything better. People seem to have a sense of false invincibility in this town. There can be 2 feet of snow and a sheet of ice on Grand and you will still see people on their way to Walmart. And many drivers are incredibly aggressive for a town that has almost everything you need within a 4 mile diameter. If you left your house five minutes earlier you would be across town in that time.
And attempting to actually make a living and raise a family here is borderline impossible. Businesses know they can pay people less because college students will take the jobs. So there are not many jobs here that will allow a person to afford a 250K house. Or you could rent a small 3 bedroom apt. for 1000 + a month, a small house for 1500 + a month, or a run down trailer house in west Laramie for 600 + a month. Rent goes by a monthly room rate here because of the college. So you're looking at around $300 to $400 per room. Or if you were smart you would just go live in Colorado and avoid this nightmare.
And the weather. The best way I can describe the weather here is to imagine living somewhere where every day, God was telling you to stay indoors. No matter the time of year, day, or the season, there will be wind. And not just a light breeze.... More like a 20 to 40 mph constant gust that makes you want to curl up and die on the ground while you are outside. It's not just that it's cold, but it ruins all social gatherings, it ruins any attempts to speak with someone outside without damaging your vocal cords, and it makes your day miserable when you know the moment you walk out that door, you are facing the wrath of Zeus every day.
And the wind isn’t the only problem, it will effortlessly dump a foot of snow on any given day with wind chills at around -15 degrees. So forget being able to drive anywhere, unless you are one of the maniacs who thinks his 2005 gmc can make it and then get stuck on your way pulling onto 3rd street. With the temperatures typically being below zero during certain months, you also have to constantly worry about your car being able to start, and if it doesn’t expect a hefty bill from one of the few good mechanics in town. And good luck making it out of here. There are only 2 genuine escapes towards civilization, being 287 and I-80, which are almost always lethal to drive on if the weather is anything less than perfect. It’s almost as if when people decided to live here, they lost a bet and were forced to live in the most uninhabitable place in America.
The police in this town are ridiculous as well. If you are going 27 in a 25 mph zone they will get you. I think the thought process behind the police in town is “we have no legitimate economy here, so lets make up for it by ticketing practically every driver we can”. The town is a relatively safe town to behind with, which is why it makes no sense that they have 30 police cars patrolling the town at any given hour. Take a stroll around town and you’ll see at least two cops having someone pulled over for going 3 over the limit.
Once you live in this town for a year, I can almost guarantee you have seen everything they have to offer, mainly because everything they DO have to offer is all bunched together around 30th/Grand and 3rd/Grand. And if you are not a college student then you really don't have anything to do at all.
If you want to live a life where you pay a lot of money and don’t get much in return, then Laramie is your place to be. Many residents call it “Laradise” which may be the most misleading characterization since McDonalds claimed the Big-Mac was 100% beef. I don’t think the town is a horrible place, I just think that everyone who lives here has been brainwashed into saying it is a lovely place, without taking into consideration the struggling economy, terrible weather, high rate of fatal car crashes, and all-around isolation from the rest of the world.
Ivan | Laramie, WY