Indianapolis: The Good, The Bad, Some More Bad, T
-
9/23/2015
Here are the things that people like about Indy. It's cheap and they brew beer here. There are some places to party on Mass Ave. It's cheap. Oh yeah, did I mention that it's cheap? It's cheap!
Enough about the good. Let's talk about what it's like to live here. As others have pointed out, the people here are peculiar and that's being nice. They don't respond when you say hello or how ya doin. They kind of look at you like you're from another planet. I guess that's the Hoosier Hospitality they're so proud of. If you come from a place with people who are genuine and honest, you'll think it's you at first. It's not, and you can change your deodorant and whatever, but they still won't talk to you. I really think the local drug company, Eli Lilly, flushes pharmaceuticals into the water supply and it affects people's behavior here. That's the theory that makes the most sense, because people simply can't be this mean and nasty without some sort of narcotic thing going on.
The roads are crumbling and you're going to be spending a lot of time on them because it's not safe to live in most of the city. In fact, there are thousands of abandoned homes that surround the Midwestern chain restaurant downtown the locals are so proud of. These are really nasty neighborhoods and the schools are failing, so nobody who can afford to live anywhere else actually lives in Indianapolis. Most like Carmel or Fishers or Noblesville. That's where a lot of the jobs are too, so if you want to partake of the beerpub and bar scene on Mass Ave you either have to drive drunk to get home or risk getting shot if home is nearby.
And let's be honest, okay? Every city in the world has a bar strip like Mass Ave. There's nothing unique or special about it in any way unless you grew up in Oolitic or Kokomo and have never been anywhere bigger than Terre Haute. Then I imagine it's pretty cool.
Come to think of it, every city everywhere has a neighborhood like Fountain Square and Broad Ripple too. Every city eveywhere has a stadium. Every city everywhere has a downtown mall. Every city everywhere has everything that Indianapolis has, although not many are as cheap as Indy. A few are. Detroit, for example. And Memphis. St. Louis, too. Toledo and Flint are as cheap as Indy. They have almost as many murders, too.
Are you connecting the dots yet? I hope so. This is a great city to live in if all you like to do is drink and make jokes about Illinois. If you're deeper than that, you're gonna be disappointed sooner or later. I'm betting on sooner.
Alan | Indianapolis, IN