Reviews & Comments
Baldwin, IL
Amazingly fun family environment. -
1/21/2021Baldwin is great unless you like nice things. Baldwin has 2 churches, 2 bars, 1 gas station, a post office, a part-time "sheriff" who is completely fine with people getting drunk and shooting up heroin in their cars in the gas station parking lot and a playground. You could say it's pretty family friendly and offers a diverse selection of activities to fit any taste. But what about that heroin, you asked? Yes, half of the population of Baldwin consists of your average, friendly rural opiate addict. While largely harmless, they are known to leave their needles all over the place. Turn their negligence into a fun family scavenger hunt! See who can find the most paraphernalia! Make sure you check on the top of the gas pumps and inside the trash cans (gloves optional). Having a hard time finding childcare? No worries. 3% of the town are registered sex offenders against child victims who are more than willing to watch over your kids while you're at work (at the bar). You won't even need to seek out their services. Just send your kid inside the gas station to pay for gas and watch for who oggles them while they stand in line. For fun family outings, there is Baldwin lake, home to several dozen varieties of mutated fish thanks to the runoff from the poorly regulated adjacent power plant. Still not enough fun? Try the cemetery right outside of town.
Baldwin truly is a paradise for small families who just want a nice, quiet setting to relax and focus on the important things (heroin and securing your home against junkies).