The meaning of a cat's smile
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12/10/2009
After five years in metro Seattle, I moved to another West-Coast city. I have never been so glad to get out of a place in my life, and I've been in a few pretty dismal places. I’ve never “lost touch” with “friends” so quickly.
Seattle people are intelligent, but incredibly insular. They see themselves as knowledgeable, but they know little of people outside the Portland-Everett corridor (nor do they really care to know - the stereotypes are just fine with them). They are quick to judge and feel superior to others whose intellect, economics, or views are different from theirs, though they make absolutely no effort to understand others' sociology (thus, the "Wal-mart", "pickup trucks with W stickers" and other snicker-at-the-rednecks type comments in some of these postings by people who "love" the place).
I've never encountered so many people who were so sure they were right and who were so averse to self-evaluation. I came in to lead a failing non-profit that wanted to turn things around “at all costs” and was certain I was the only guy who could do the job. It defined itself in terms of concern, sacrifice, vision, change, compassion, and honesty. Even in this environment the actual traits were "don't make me feel guilty", "don't make me feel obligated”, "don't ask us to change our routines", “don't get to know me beneath the surface", "don't expect me to care about anyone beneath the surface", "people are objects", "don't expect me to have a conversation with you if I'm unhappy about something". Yet, "I want you to tell me I'm doing good things and that I'm a good person". Seattle hates to be challenged, corrected, or made to feel bad about itself. But when it is, it won't talk about it.
There are lots of theories about this place. One is that there is this weird chemistry between long-termers who, deep down, are small-town/small city people who feel obligated to be more cosmopolitan than they really are (and resent it), coupled with tons of people who are escaping from somewhere else. These latter are often trying to shake off what they believe to be their oppressive and small-minded families, towns and cities, or businesses so they can finally be free to accomplish all they've dreamed. They are often fundamentally angry people, people desperate to prove their individual worth, or arrogant people who believe little people have held them back - and now they get to be big people in a cool city. But they are actually self-absorbed people who don't realize they are moving to a city of self-absorbed people, who are leaving one set of supposedly oppressive rules for another set of oppressive rules.
What a shame. I wasted five years because I didn't realize any of this - about Seattle or myself - before I agreed to go. As visitors tend to do, I bought into the image when I came for interviews. Unfortunately, I signed the contract. And soon I realized that behind the "friendly" smile there is a glum, self-centered, self-deluded reality. I think Seattle may be the most dishonest, emotionally repressed population I've ever run across.
Like someone pondering the meaning behind a cat’s smile, I expended a lot of energy trying to get beneath the surface and to take my organization deeper. But I’ve kind of concluded there is nothing behind the smile. Really. Nothing. It doesn't mean anything at all, good or bad. And people will have a hard time with you if you think there should be anything deeper!
I re-read all this just to be sure I was telling the truth (I am) and not over-dramatizing things (I’m not), and I find myself just shaking my head thinking, "What a shame. What a waste." Beautiful place, but over-built metro sprawl. Smart people, with little love or empathy. Smiling faces sometimes, but fixed and joyless. Big ideas, but resentful of leaders. Lots of liberal ideas, but highly controlling, un-generous, arrogant personalities, demanding monochrome, religious adherence to those "liberal" viewpoints. Big city, but vacuous and empty.
I'm so relieved I was able to get away from there. What a shame.
SFO | ,