A Despicable, Pathetic Little Town
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6/19/2007
Troy, Alabama is one of the most backward places in the continental United States. It is entirely lacking in cultural and social amenities because the apathetic, ignorant, and inbred redneck population doesn't require anything more than fast food joints and a Wal-Mart. Troy tries to present itself as Norman Rockwell-esque, but it is more like something out of the film "Deliverance." The town is oppressed mightily by a conservative ideology that neglects any sort of social development, largely out of a sad nostaglia for a pre-industrial Civil War culture where everyone lived on a cotton farm and pretended they had morals. Among its biggest problems is a ridiculous proliferation of Baptist churches, all of which have a vested interest in keeping the population simple, stupid and fearful of hellfire damnation. There are no sidewalks in the town because even the toddlers and old ladies drive pick-up trucks, and there are no parks, because the people would probably try to hunt there. Apart from a Ruby Tuesday, there is no place even to get a decent meal, and being a dry county, you can't even buy a beer on Sunday. For some reason, the townsfolk refer to these shortcomings and deprivations as "southern charm and hospitality," usually in a sentence replete with ain'ts, y'alls, and various other violations of acceptable speech.
The town is home to Troy University, a third-rate community college masquarading as a state university. This little Republican indoctrination post is run by a bunch of ex-military officers who see it as their primary obligation to give the locals just enough learning to get bad jobs, rather than provide them with real education. They couldn't do this even if they wanted to, of course, as half the so-called "professors" don't have PhD's, and most of the students are just there to buy, cheat, or sleep their way to a degree. Where other universities have classical music ensembles and gender studies courses, Troy has a marching band and a beauty pageant. The favorite pastime at Troy University, when the student stops goose-stepping and square-dancing long enough to think about it, is to blow off his homework and go to the football game, which is a crucial part of school life, since it ensures that the students are always vulgarly entertained and never in danger of learning anything.
I'll stop here, since I am wasting more words in criticizing Troy than its typical inhabitant has in his total vocabulary. I'll conclude by saying that this l
Odysseus | Troy, AL