Review of Portland, Oregon


Zombies
Star Rating - 11/24/2010
I have lived in cities in the USA and Europe, but never met "zombie" people until moving to Portland five years ago. Lack of sunshine and friendly people can really kill you here. My first visit to downtown Portland hit me like a max train because of the homeless "everywhere". I used to say the squirrels were suicidal 8n Dallas because they ran and/or walked in front of cars. But here in Portland the suicidal people are more sneaky than the Dallas squirrels. These people dress in black and run in front of your car as if they are possessed by demon squirrels! Then I learned that it was normal to wander around blindly at night in Portland. Cars? They are not liked here in Portland. If you aren't green enough from the moss growing on you within the year, the green people will haunt you into a greener shade of green. You know how long it takes to get to those "funplaces" to ski and play? Forever. I feel like a prisoner here. This city locks down if someone has a fender bender! Clones? They are here! Free speech is not allowed here. The clones will say to you, "Portland is so beautiful and so so wonderful". If you notice, this is the end of the conversation! Conversation will continue if you have a viewpoint, however! This is how my first downtown event unfolded. The four correct green people with me said how great the air was and the night so wonerful. Where were the stars?? No, not in the sky. Southerners learn to like air, sunshine,and stars in the sky. I didn't see anything but people sleeping on the ground, on benches, on sleeping bags, etc. My next statement determined my fate in Portland. I said,"the cops need to roust these bums out of here." Silence happened suddenly! The green people were mad, and began to talk to each other deleting me from their rehearsed politically correct conversations. It is five years beyond my time to see Portland in my rearview mirror. God bless your little green hearts. I will miss ya'll in the southern sunshine.
chase | ,
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3 Replies


Brilliant - you have nailed this place. Such a great writer, wish you had a blog to follow. I live in the downtown in what is considered the really nice area of Park Block. To get into Safeway I have to go through a gantlet of homeless within feet of both the back and front door. In my 4 block walk to Rite Aid through the heart of the city I was asked for money 8 times and than had to thread my way between a half dozen young people begging for money to get into the Rite-Aide. Half of the homeless are lazy kids. They area at every ATM machine and nothing is done about it. And is is the nice area. Zombies is exactly what they all are like. Very, very passive aggressive Zombies.
Alex | Portland, OR | Report Abuse

I wanted to thank you for your assessment of Portland, which has convinced me never to move there, and let you know that, except for the weather, the people you describe are the same as the people where I live, in a suburb of the Phoenix (Ariz.) metro area. While the weather here causes our people to turn zombie-like, it's a very different species. Constant sun and heat, along with rude and cruel people, are what will kill you here. Seemingly oblivious, pedestrians casually saunter across streets and highways hoping to cause a fiery crash. Drivers are expected to anticipate this kind of insane, irrational and illogical behavior. I blame the zombie-like mentality on fried brains. It's no wonder that for every two people who move here, one moves away! Once they experience seven to eight months of 110-126 degree F days, they're desperate to get out. Why my brains haven't completely fried yet I don't know, although I don't spend as much time in the sun as most. I hope you haven't moved to the Valley of the "Done" -- well done, that is. I've lived here for more than 30 years, although I've tried desperately to move away many times, always being forced back by a family who has become as rude and as cruel as most of the populace here. When I first moved here, having no choice in the matter because I was a minor, the weather wasn't bad. It wasn't that hot in the summers and the winter weather was great. You could even see leaves on many trees in the Valley change color. However, all the rapid, almost emergency-response-like construction in the last 10-15 years has caused a "concrete jungle" effect in which the heat never dissipates. So the "summer" heat starts much sooner, always by April 1, and lasts much longer, usually until November. The temperatures at night are much nearer to the daytime temperatures, so at least no one has to worry about being stuck in the "desert" in the summer without a sweater or jacket like we did 30 years ago. What you have to worry about here is the fact that you can't get cooler no matter what you do. You can run your air-conditioner at 60 degrees F or lower and you'll just wind up with higher and higher electric bills, particularly if your electricity is provided by APS, the primary provider here, which raises its rates annually. I always preferred the cold, reasoning that I could get warm by putting on more clothing while there's no way I can completely cool off by taking off more than what I'm wearing. If it's 130 degrees F and you're naked, you still feel like it's 130.
K. | Peoria, AZ | Report Abuse

Hello, I've never been to Portland, but looking for someplace new to move. I heard some good things about it so I was looking for more info. I've lived in Chicago my whole life. After reading your review, I'm wondering what places you've lived in that you did like. My options are pretty wide open, though I'm used to a bigger city not fond of small town life. You mentioned you've lived all over. Any recommendations in the US or another country? Thanks, mary
Reverend | Bloomingdale, IL | Report Abuse
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