Review of New Orleans, Louisiana

Star Rating - 4/7/2018
I ended up on a site that provided reviews of the city of Jacksonville and it sounds like a very potential nightmare. A bit Tulsa meets the worse part of New Orleans. It will be better then Baltimore though! Anyways, it has been nice to spend time with my sisters. I needed some love and stability and this time I found it. I decided to write a review of New Orleans. I think it is kind of funny. I am sure when people read this they are going to be like, wtf. But, oddly I read a review for Jacksonville and it sounded just like mine below, especially the part about jobs not providing contracts and firing for the smallest errors. If you see my contract, it is not contract at all! Makes one wonder.
Here's my rather review of NOLA

New Orleans is like an abusive partner that pushes you to the ground, only to kick you in your gut twice as hard the second time around. During the hurricane season, everyone around you will be in a state of terror as the potential need for evacuations conjures up memories of Katrina, and your muscles will tighten into unbearable knots as you travel between smoldering humid heat into icy air-conditioned rooms. Each day you are in New Orleans you will be breathing in the toxic gases from 140 petroleum plants that surround the city. Soon, you too, will call your new home “cancer alley.” Consoling friends and colleagues who just lost a dog, a child, a colleague, and another friend to cancer will become a regular past time as you too become a bottom feeder consuming crawfish, catfish and the city’s water source, the Mississippi River.

Whatever you do, while in NOLA, never show you are feeling ill because the women will swarm in like vultures and devour you alive. Take a Xanax like everyone else.

Beware: you are moving to a city where there are no worker's rights and no renters right's. Therefore, from one moment to the next, you could find yourself without a job and without a home. Keep your head low here, like the African Americans who work in entry jobs in NOLA, uttering a periodic yes sir. Don’t be surprised to hear white wealthy boys addressed as Master during formal occasions, and wealthy young girls paraded down catwalks in debutant balls of yesteryear.

Blacks remain marginalized and attend segregated, underfunded schools. That’s because the Catholic church has perpetuated a gender, race, and class divide by undermining public education and providing the only alternative: A $10,000 dollar a year catholic education strictly separated by gender, race and economic status. After all, it has only ever been a Caucasian priest that was eligible to wear the emperor’s clothes.

Police regularly arrest upstanding citizens for bogus charges in a state where there are more people imprisoned per capita than any other place on earth, even more than in Russia or North Korea. The former grand wizard of the KKK lives 15 minutes from NOLA, in a town which greets visitors with a sign "Welcome to the proud home of David Duke." This is also where the majority of New Orleans' police officers reside. If you are a person of color, Jewish, disabled, or homeless, you will be exposed to David Duke’s neighbor’s soon after your arrival.

The mob runs the city, the port, and the archdiocese.The homeless in this city are abundant, but don’t worry, they disappear. Word on the street is that they end up in prisons, like Angola, where they are forced into slave labor and others are killed for their organs.

In addition, as you prepare for your move, expect to have your car stolen and when found, it will be missing all of its expensive components. Don’t expect the police to ever find the thieves or the parts, but do expect an inordinate amount of parking and speed tickets. No one knows where the money goes, certainly not into the pothole that will ruin your car if the car parts racket didn't do it first.

You might enjoy a stroll in the French Quarter, but soon discover it is where the devil resides, lurking along the dark corners of bourbon street, hiding the trafficked women working in the sex slave industry. On your way home, meander through the periodic floods caused by the pumps broken due to the corrupt city officials funneling funds into their own pockets.

When that next hurricane comes and blows the rat-infested, swamp, called New Orleans to witherenes, America will finally be able to wave goodbye to Napoleonic law, touch down Jesus, and a city where men regularly slip a mickey into the drinks of college girls and rape them. If you want to take a trip to hell, by all means, move to New Orleans!

Susan | New Orleans, LA
Reply to this Comment

5 Replies

Wow, I was considering a job in NOLA but I think I'll stay in Portland Oregon.
Ann | Portland, OR | Report Abuse

This is reality folks. The only thing I disagree with is that the mob runs New Orleans. They USED to run things, and it was a much safer city when they did. There's a reason they call it organized crime. You're always going to have crime of some sort wherever you go, and I prefer that it run by the pros. You have to cross the mob to get into trouble (or be disappeared). When Bobby Kennedy deported Carlos Marcello to Sicily, the mob was terminally weakened, and all these violent, amateur gangs showed up. The mob controlled the police too, which should be feared as much, or more, than the criminals. The town is really a total disaster, and yet people are visiting and living there that believe in some sort of alternative reality so strongly it makes you wonder what exactly is wrong w/ them? I went back for a visit some years ago and the whole scene was out of control in a way I had never seen. Didn't even feel safe in the Quarter, which is a first.
steve | Albuquerque, NM | Report Abuse

Everything you complained about could be said about Houston. It's hot as hell and it's air is far worse than New Orleans. And much has changed since you wrote this "review".
Garry | Kenner, LA | Report Abuse

This is true. I think this why New Orleans and many Louisiana natives leave that state, but many aren't good people wherever they relocate's in their bloodlines from inbreeding and the chemicals. Which is why, I'm leaving Tulsa as soon as it's good many racists here and Louisiana transplants were relocated to Tulsa after Katrina.
Reese | Bloomingdale, GA | Report Abuse

Excellent post! Thank you. I have no intention of moving to NOLA, but I was just curious as to what some say who have lived there. I personally wouldn't live anywhere in that despicable state; let alone New Orleans.
Brian | Columbia, SC | Report Abuse
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