Pardise Lost
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5/4/2007
I am a rare species: a native Miami, born and raised. I am first generation American as my parents came over from Cuba in 1960 when they themselves were in their teens. What I have seen happen to my hometown should not happen to anyone: it went from being a place where I felt I knew everyone to a place where someone who got here literally yesterday feels the need to treat me like garbage. The envy and the sheer greed that is evident every day in this city is appalling. If you were lucky enough to be born in the USA (thanks, Mr. Springsteen), people tend to be pretty mean. They want every privilege I have had to work for my whole life and they want it NOW. The newly-arrived Cubans do not like the ones that have been here for 40 some years. We have nothing in common, especially not those bizarre names that these people show up with.
It's not just Cubans, either. Name a country from South or Central America and chances are they have their own neighborhood here. To compare us to New York is an insult to New York. We have neither their museums or their cultural art centers. We do have, however, the following: EXTREMELY corrupt politicans, congested traffic, over-priced housing, skyrocketing taxes and insurance rates, constant condo building (which no one is buying right now) and the best examples of plastic surgery gone wrong you will ever want to see. We live in a town where people can't afford the basic needs, but still manage to drive "un tremendo Hummer" or Escalade. In Miami, it's all about $$$$ and how much you have.
Also, please make sure the horn on your car works so you can participate in the Miami National Anthem: BEEEEEP, followed by extravagant hand gestures. Your indicators can be ripped out and removed; they are unnecessary. Guys need to wear an excessive amount of thick gold chains, the likes of which went out of style for the rest of the country in the 70s. They need to learn to say "mamita" or "jeva" and they need to speak with as thick an accent as possible. The women basically need to be totally reconstructed. They need at least 5 gold chains, one of which will have a huge saint dangling from it. Her name should be displayed in her huge hoop hootchie-mama earrings.
The best thing about Miami: NO CLASS NECESSARY!!!!!! (or English either).
Mercy | Miami, FL